"Never beg someone to stay"
The Secret Garden, 1993, dir. Agnieszka Holland
’If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.’
(Source: funeral-wreaths, via katelizabeth)
I absolutely LOVE lemonades and fresh fruit. I went to this wonderful cafe, Ms. Dahlia’s Cafe, with one of my best friends in Brooklyn. I had the best cucumber lemonade in life! I immediately went on the hunt to find a recipe. in my search, I came across a great blog, A Beautiful Mess, that has some amazing recipes for lemonades. I had to share. So here you go, enjoy, and I WILL POST MY OWN CREATIONS…after the snow melts.
These days, before we talk about misogyny, women are increasingly being asked to modify our language so we don’t hurt men’s feelings. Don’t say, “Men oppress women” – that’s sexism, as bad as any sexism women ever have to handle, possibly worse. Instead, say, “Some men oppress women.” Whatever you do, don’t generalise. That’s something men do. Not all men – just some men.
This type of semantic squabbling is a very effective way of getting women to shut up. After all, most of us grew up learning that being a good girl was all about putting other people’s feelings ahead of our own. We aren’t supposed to say what we think if there’s a chance it might upset somebody else or, worse, make them angry. So we stifle our speech with apologies, caveats and soothing sounds. We reassure our friends and loved ones that “you’re not one of those men who hate women”.
What we don’t say is: of course not all men hate women. But culture hates women, so men who grow up in a sexist culture have a tendency to do and say sexist things, often without meaning to. We aren’t judging you for who you are but that doesn’t mean we’re not asking you to change your behaviour. What you feel about women in your heart is of less immediate importance than how you treat them on a daily basis.
You can be the gentlest, sweetest man in the world yet still benefit from sexism. That’s how oppression works.
Laurie Penny (via lavenderlabia)
this is what frustrates me about having to tiptoe around issues of consent and sexual assault on school campuses. and sometimes i feel that it really gets in the way of the entire purpose of raising awareness. we get too caught up in fears of alienating male allies that we dont push them to question their daily actions and beliefs in a way that could really benefit feminist causes. owning up to privilege is hard because it seems like it discredits all youve done, all you are, by admitting that others may have handicaps that you dont have to experience. but just because you personally may not take advantage of that privilege (or think you benefit at all from it) doesnt mean it doesnt exist. it doesnt do anything to change the fact that it exist. it doesnt change the fact that there ARE people who take advantage of their privilege and act in ways that try to maintain the status quo. it doesnt make you a sexist to acknowledge that we live in a patriarchal culture. men feeling hurt or feeling like they are being ‘targeted’ or ‘unfairly judged’ by statements that acknowledge this just seem ridiculous. dont ask me to take you seriously as an ally, or even as someone “who is definitely not a sexist” and then equate your hurt feelings with the actual issues beings discussed.